every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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