sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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