made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
