I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
