Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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