i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
birth control should be required to get into college
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
