Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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