is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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