I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
