found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
