Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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