I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
