peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
