mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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