We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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