New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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