I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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