He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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