I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
