dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
