last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
