time to smoke my breakfast
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
