Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
