Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
