I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We had to coat check the pizza.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
