Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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