Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I love you.
Bad choice
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
