Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
