If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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