Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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