I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
