Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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