Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Panties = found
Randomize
