Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
