He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
