Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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