.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
