While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
