i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
