Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
