well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
