I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
