My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
