R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
