My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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