She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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