i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize