THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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