Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
