Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
