I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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