Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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