I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
