I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
3pm strippers are depressing
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
