no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
