ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
