I will die if light touches me.
it hurts more in the daytime
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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