Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize