Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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