I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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