remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
