If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
