I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just had sex bonerless
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Man, jail baloney is awful.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
